A ‘slightly gay’* post

March 15, 2007 at 4:42 pm (Pop thoughts, Sports thoughts)

(*Before I begin with my actual post It is necessary for me to put a disclaimer on my title: Isn’t it funny how the first amendment has been replaced by “Miranda rights”? The first amendment states that we have the “Right” to free speech. Miranda rights, on the other hand are the “rights” given to a person as he or she is being arrested. We are probably only familiar with this based on what we have seen on TV. It always sounds something like…

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything  you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”

The Miranda rights actually are an extension of the fifth amendment which gives us the right to not testify against ourselves.

Boy has our culture changed! Instead of me having the right  to call this post “slightly gay” I have the better right to not say anything at all and not get in trouble.)

NOW for the ‘slightly gay’ post…

The Chargers unveiled their new uniforms yesterday! I think the only think our society likes more then berating masculinity in it’s different forms is to promote femininity in the male gender. Thus they do things to make us men feel more and more ‘slightly gay’. This is one of those things. Whenever I find myself criticizing, critiquing, evaluating or even admiring the color coordination, cut and design of an individuals attire I feel a weird sense of gayness.

Nevertheless I offer up my opinions of the “bold new tradition” here.

Helmet: Best part of the new uniforms! This is an excellent decision. They are white with a gold bolt framed in powder blue and navy. The white is “pearlescent” (I’m not gay enough to notice the difference between “pearlescent white and regular white but I’m sure that makes it better). The players numbers will be on the back of the helmet instead of on the sides like the old school white ones. This is good because it will make the players more difficult to identify. See before when they wore the white helmets with the numbers on the sides it was easy for an opposing linebacker to tell that it was LT coming at him. Now he won’t know if it’s LT or Mike Goff until LT blows by him and he looks back and sees the number “21” on his helmet. HUGE advantage! Plus the pearlescent finish pays homage to Revelation 21:21 referencing the 12 gates of the new Jerusalem each made from a single pearl. This is a figurative representation of the helmet of salvation which comes through no other name but Jesus Christ. Mad props to the designers for bringing in such beautiful scriptural nuances!

Jerseys: These also look very nice. The incorporation of the powder blues as an alternate jersey gives them the ability to wear them as many or as few times as they would like.  Previously they were limited to only wearing them twice a season. That is why they couldn’t wear them in the playoffs last season. Everybody likes the powder blues except raider fans. Last September when I traveled to Oakland to watch the Chargers destroy the Raiders I was repeatedly taunted with homosexual references regarding the “powder blues”.  They may have a point but considering their team in the past three seasons combined didn’t have as many wins as the Chargers had just last season I don’t think their fashion statements are valid.

So yeah, I like the powder blues, like the navy and like the white.  The only differences are the shape and color of the bolt and that it wraps around the shoulders instead of going up and over it. Also the numbers are modernized. This was necessary. Many people don’t know this but the previous numbers were the first in NFL history to contain two borders (ohhh, ahhh). Now nearly every new uniform has two. The Chargers are the trendsetters of NFL fashion so it is necessary for them to do something cutting edge. What is cutting edge about these jerseys? The collars. First of their kind. They are more rounded then v-neck. This obviously will give them a tremendous advantage in putting on their pads quicker.  But my favorite thing about the new jerseys is that their new “chargers” logo is on the front just above the numbers. This is great because they can finally use the best sports cliche ever; “You play for the name on the front of the jersey not the name on the back.” Contrary to Shea Hillinbrand who infamously wrote on his teams white board, “Play for your self”, I happen to believe in team accomplishments as of more significance and more difficulty then individual accomplishments. (That’s why I don’t really care for “sports” like golf, tennis, boxing, auto racing and MMA).

Pants: These are the one aspect of the new uniforms that I am not too much of a fan f. They look fine from the front or from teh back but from the sides (which happen to be where all the fans see them from) they don’t look so good. There is a very wide stretch of opposite color with a newly designed lighting bolt through the middle. They would have been much better off without the alternating color scheme and just going with the bolt. The only positive about this is that fans don’t wear the pants (except Jammers with lightning bolts all over them, and those will never ever ever go out of style) so we won’t have to see these tromping around the gas lamp. Hopefully in 5 years when they are allowed to make changes they will fix the goofy wide striped pants. But then again with 5 Lombardy trophies sitting at Chargers park they may not want to change a thing.

Check out the uniforms here and let me know what you think.

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24 Comments

  1. 5najeras said,

    Wow! Who knew you kept such a close eye on fashion and design? But what do I do with my “old” Merriman jersey that I’ve only gotten to wear 3 times? Oh, and supposedly all the old Chargers stuff in on sale to get ready for the new. Take with this info what you will. 🙂

  2. itsasecret2u said,

    Reasons Why Daniel B. is gayer than Secret:

    1. Secret saw the new uniforms last night and said, “Wait, what’s different?”

    2. Daniel seems to have extensively checked out the new pants from the back…. then came to the conclusion that, “Hey, everything looks good back there!”

    3. Daniel doesn’t like MMA.

  3. itsasecret2u said,

    Wait, scratch that…

    It should be titled, “Reaons why Daniel B. is more feminine than Secret.”

  4. RubeRad said,

    I can’t tell that anything has changed.

    If you put the new uniform right next to the old one, I could play a game of “find the differences”, but my overall impression would not be different one iota.

    On a side note, I wish the Padres had never abandoned their original, super-70’s earthtone scheme. How unique (and properly southwestern) was that? Who ever heard of a friar wearing navy and orange? (Actually it’s navy and gray now, right? Shows how much baseball I watch)

    And while I’m at it, the Chargers should throwback to their original Horse theme, instead of Electricity.

    And the Lakers and the Jazz should convert to more region-appropriate names, like the L.A. Smog, or the L.A. Gridlock, and the Utah Mo’s.

    And the Pirates should restore their old-fashioned cylindrical hats.

    I think that is all, but I reserve the right to come up with additional complaints about non-athletic issues in sports I don’t really care about.

  5. RubeRad said,

    “Reaons why Daniel B. is more feminine than Secret.”

    There’s a deodorant joke in there somewhere: How about “Secret: Strong enough for a man, but feminine enough for Daniel B.”

  6. itsasecret2u said,

    Oh my goodness, Rube…

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    That’s all I have to say about that.

  7. Matt S said,

    I am with Rube in regards to the Padres 70’s gear, definitely the best uniforms they have ever had.

    That being said, I also think the Chargers 70’s powder blue uniforms are the best they have ever had.

    Man the 70’s must have been one cool decade to live…

    I also like the new Chargers gear better than the previous version, especially the hemets which are super tight!

  8. danielbalc said,

    How in the world can i be considered more feminine for NOT enjoying MMA? Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t most of MMA two men wearing speedos and rolling together on the ground?

    If anything has the appearance of gayness it’s watching that. No wait. PAYING to watch that.

  9. Franky said,

    Brazilian Jiu Jitsu…. It’s only gay if you make eye contact.

  10. danielbalc said,

    That’s why LT wears the tinted face shield

  11. itsasecret2u said,

    Most of the guys wear board-shorts now, anyway. Except for Mirko “Cro-Cop” Filipovic who wears hot pants with the Croatian flag on them. Awesome.

  12. Pablo Honey said,

    I am in agreement with your opinions of the new unis. The helmets are beautiful. I would like to see all whites on the road occasionally though. I am a little bummed about having to buy all new Chargers gear. And I am sure the new jerseys will cost even more. They should do a Jersey trade-in, where you could get something like $10-40 off on a new Jersey when you trade in your old one. They would lose a lot of money, but would get some incredible publicity. In a perfect world I guess…

  13. Alex said,

    Is it bad when the first thing I noticed was the different stiching patterns they used on the new jerseys? Just Kidding.

    However, I did notice how they are a bit shimmery looking. Kind of like the shirts I wear to the clubs. Oh wait, Did I just say that?

  14. danielbalc said,

    Hey Al, when you say, “clubs” are you referring to “church”? I have noticed your attire is getting a little more sparkley every week.

  15. AS said,

    New jerseys are nice if you like throwing up.

  16. AS said,

    “But then again with 5 Lombardy trophies sitting at Chargers park they may not want to change a thing.”

    How quickly we forget the playoffs. Chargers spin masters win again. LOL!

  17. 5najeras said,

    Here you go! (If this works- great! If not- please delete it)

  18. 5najeras said,

    one more time

  19. 5najeras said,

    Nevermind. It doesn’t work

  20. danielbalc said,

    I’m leaving those up just because it’s funny

  21. 5najeras said,

    thanks

  22. Laura said,

    matt s – I lived through the 70’s as a teenager – not sure how cool it really was!

  23. danielbalc said,

    Dayn Perry of Foxsports.com’s Baseball wing, decided to weigh in on Football’s best and worst uniforms.

    http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/Dayn%20Perry/2007/09/11/Ranking_the_NFL_uniforms

    He puts the new Charger threads at 10. The 9 ahead are all old school or at the very least classic looks. Essentially he is saying the new charger uniforms are the best design a football team has come up with in decades.

    Though I would probably put the Chargers uniforms ahead of teams like the Jets, Colts an Chiefs I don’t think he’s too far off.

    It’s all about the white helmet. I look forward to a game where they wear the powder blue jersey.

  24. amyleesspace said,

    Hey I keep commenting on the your “Worst Fans” post and it wont post anything!!

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